The voices are gone
the doubt, the fear,
the shame, the hatred
all that is left..is me
the silence has begun
I sit here, alone in a
crowd, fighting the urge
to scream. My fight has
just begun, my misery
ready to pounce but
I am ready as well.
Day after day I fight
to keep my sanity
and hold on to who
I am. And day after
day, my demons fall.
Slowly the sensations
dim, the battle is coming
to a close, the war will
go on but this time there
is hope that healing can
I see the path ahead of me,
it’s a path of love,
wisdom and an understanding
of one’s self. The silence
has ended and my voice is
My experience with the Allan Memorial Institute
They came for us in the 70's
they told our parents that
there was something wrong,
that we didn't work right.
There was nothing wrong with us.
They'd take us to schools
poke us, prod us and tell
us we were broken but
said that they could fix us.
They filled us with lies
corrupted us, made us doubt
ourselves. They stole from
us what made us smile,
what made us happy.
They destroyed the path we
were on and then abandoned
us like broken toys, they left us
in the void.
They called themselves educators
but they were perpetrators, they
took the child and left a husk in it's
We live in a society where children
are not allowed to grow, if we deviate
from the path we are judged, we are
robbed of who we are and then discarded.
There was nothing wrong with us.
Everyone has that one great love.
Some manage to hang on to it for decades,
while others lose it in a matter of days.
And a few spend their lives searching for it.
I found it, for three years my life was good.
But like all things you need to nurture it,
care for it but like a short story our love
had run its course.
Ever so painfully our paths parted, leading us
to different futures. For a time my heart shed
empty tears, I began to believe that love was
not for me.
But love being the trickster that it is left
me a gift. Buried deep within my soul, she
had planted the seeds for my own rebirth.
Password protected, the seeds could only
grow when I learned to accept myself.
Once that happened, I was able to teach
myself to heal, to learn that we needn’t
walk alone and that love was there if we wanted it.
For most of my life I've been stuck
on one side, a side filled with
anger, hate, anxiety and depression.
Drowning in loss, I never knew
what direction to go.
And then she opened a door.
From that open door came strands
of light, they wrapped themselves
around me, gave me strength to see
the path that lay right in front of me.
Over the last few years I have
fought to get back to the middle, to
balance the scale, to replace hate
with love, anxiety with acceptance,
and depression with happiness.
I know that this fight will last
the rest of my life but it is a fight
I will not lose.
I know this because she opened the door.
I remember where I was
A fog of anger and sadness
Unable to speak about it my
wounds gaping and bleeding
Lost in my own voice
30 years of tears and broken dreams
Bullies, abusers, and sex offenders
Those who hide in your mind and
Break you from the inside, you try
To keep your soul from escaping but it’s
Then one night the great spirit taps
You on the shoulder. She whispers to
You, “raise your head” she says.
And you see her for the first time.
The sound of her voice calms your
She holds your hand and just like that
Your healing begins. Your lovemaking
chases the demons away, she fills your
heart till it overflows. Her wisdom
intertwines with yours, she leaves
you with gifts that last a lifetime.
I know where I am, my scars have healed
and my heart is full. I’m stronger, the toxic
life is but a memory and you greet each
day with a smile. Nothing can hurt you,
she taught you that and even though
your paths diverged. She’s still apart of you.