My experience with the Allan Memorial Institute The Throwaways They came for us in the 70's they told our parents that there was something wrong, that we didn't work right. There was nothing wrong with us. They'd take us to schools poke us, prod us and tell us we were broken but said that they could fix us. They filled us with lies corrupted us, made us doubt ourselves. They stole from us what made us smile, what made us happy. They destroyed the path we were on and then abandoned us like broken toys, they left us in the void. They called themselves educators but they were perpetrators, they took the child and left a husk in it's place. We live in a society where children are not allowed to grow, if we deviate from the path we are judged, we are robbed of who we are and then discarded. There was nothing wrong with us.
Everyone has that one great love. Some manage to hang on to it for decades, while others lose it in a matter of days. And a few spend their lives searching for it. I found it, for three years my life was good. But like all things you need to nurture it, care for it but like a short story our love had run its course. Ever so painfully our paths parted, leading us to different futures. For a time my heart shed empty tears, I began to believe that love was not for me. But love being the trickster that it is left me a gift. Buried deep within my soul, she had planted the seeds for my own rebirth. Password protected, the seeds could only grow when I learned to accept myself. Once that happened, I was able to teach myself to heal, to learn that we needn’t walk alone and that love was there if we wanted it.
For most of my life I've been stuck on one side, a side filled with anger, hate, anxiety and depression. Drowning in loss, I never knew what direction to go. And then she opened a door. From that open door came strands of light, they wrapped themselves around me, gave me strength to see the path that lay right in front of me. Over the last few years I have fought to get back to the middle, to balance the scale, to replace hate with love, anxiety with acceptance, and depression with happiness. I know that this fight will last the rest of my life but it is a fight I will not lose. I know this because she opened the door.
I remember where I was A fog of anger and sadness Unable to speak about it my wounds gaping and bleeding Lost in my own voice 30 years of tears and broken dreams Bullies, abusers, and sex offenders Those who hide in your mind and Break you from the inside, you try To keep your soul from escaping but it’s Getting harder Then one night the great spirit taps You on the shoulder. She whispers to You, “raise your head” she says. And you see her for the first time. The sound of her voice calms your beating heart. She holds your hand and just like that Your healing begins. Your lovemaking chases the demons away, she fills your heart till it overflows. Her wisdom intertwines with yours, she leaves you with gifts that last a lifetime. I know where I am, my scars have healed and my heart is full. I’m stronger, the toxic life is but a memory and you greet each day with a smile. Nothing can hurt you, she taught you that and even though your paths diverged. She’s still apart of you.
The tree has stood here for centuries,
sitting at the crossroads watching.
Its memories of what it has seen
buried within its roots, scars littering its bark.
Looking over the endless fields as men
battle for their very lives. Fields soaked
in tears and blood, lives cut short,
brothers carrying the fallen.
Millions of untold stories falling into silence,
mothers never hearing the sound of loved
ones again. Somewhere a babe cries out
never again knowing the touch of her parents.
The fighting has stopped, leaders of both
sides sign agreements and the true atrocities
are uncovered. Promises of remembrance
are made and the broken return home
never quite the same.
The fields are quiet now, the great tree stands
at the crossroads. The fragile peace flowing
through its branches, the tree asks when will
we learn as he listens for the thunder of another