I see them on the screen, they lie to me, pretend to want me. They twist me into something I’m not and teach me all the wrong things.
They tell me how to love, tell me that it’s okay. I want to stop but I can’t, they taunt me in my dreams and are there when I wake and go to sleep.
I know that this is not right, that I need to escape. I fight to disconnect to log out, to be free.
I want, I need someone real. I want to feel the goose bumps rise as I caress them. I let their scent intoxicate me, arouse me. Their touch bringing me back to life.
Steamy windows created by the heat of our souls embrace. Drops of sweat mingle like lovers dancing to the sounds of heart beats coming together. Losing each other in ecstasy as we explode and colapse in a molten embrace.
Your eyes speak to my soul, asking me for more. As I kiss your trembling lips with their taste like a drug. Our bodies connect once more, I hear you gasp as you open yourself up to me. The smile, anticipating a river of ecstasy flowing over us, drowning us in love once more.
You were born only to be abandoned. You grew up with the unwanted, herded like cattle by strangers in white collars. People passing you by like yesterday’s news.
Abuse was a daily issue, something to be expected and something that happened often. You would carry the sting of their violations like scar on your soul. But you wouldn’t let it corrupt you.
You found love with a man who created troubled landscapes, who gave you two children. And when you began to thrive that man who created those landscapes walked away.
He left you behind with two mouths to feed. You found a strength you never knew you had. And when another bout with love gave you one more you still stood tall.
The life you created came out in your art. You were a teacher, you taught us about our traditions, our people. Your stories were so popular that children from different lands began to benefit from hearing about our history and ancestors.
Then one day in May, you went to sleep, you joined our ancestors in the spirit world. People from all over who were touched by you shared their stories but we were the ones left to pick up the pieces.
Now 25 years later, we thrive. Like you taught us, we continued the story. We see you every day in the smiles and laughter of your grandchildren. You taught us to grow, to be ourselves and because of that you will never be truly gone.
I have feared many things as I walked through the trees that lay in the shadows of my life. I have felt the stings of their violations. Tasted the blood of my many broken hearts, been broken and rebuilt.
Enemies, frenemies, friends. They all wear the same mask, some walk with me, some work against me but few help me. I was born in anger, grew up in hatred and lived in tears. A smile hides the pain and loneliness.
The sun begins to rise, I see the light through the trees of this forest I walk. My scars slowly begin to heal, my heart begins to wake. The hatred and pain start to fade and as I wipe away the tears new memories begin to grow.
As I emerge from the forest the sun, so bright that at first that I shy away from its gaze. But then it dawns on me, this is what the journey is all about.
My scars begin to disappear my, heart once again begins to fill me with warmth. My life is healing, I am growing, I am free.
An interview with Dr Cindy Blackstock a Gitxsan activist for child welfare and Executive Director of the First Nations Child and Family Caring Society of Canada. She is also a professor for the School of Social Work at McGill University. Who along with the AFN filed the human rights complaint against the Govt of Canada on behalf of First Nations Children.
An interview with legendary activist Ellen Gabriel talking about the growing tensions between the town of Oka and the Mohawk people of Kanesatake as well as her thoughts on the failing missing and murdered Indigenous women inquiry and what the govt needs to do to remedy the situation.